you know you want to

At 42 years of age, I want to play and I do. I am damned blessed to have a love for being in the process of seeing what I can do without rules to abide by. I think this is why I love running as fast as I can. No one is holding a stopwatch and telling me how to run. I am just out there doing it and I can feel every inch of my body go into overdrive and think of nothing. I'm just having fun. As I'm writing about this the thought occurs "Okay so what about those people who cannot run for the fact of a disability." Alright, if I am thinking about this I am not in play mode. When I am running, I do not think of these things. That is not what play is all about. Playing means maintaining an action without having some sort of guilt trip over those who are not currently in the moment with you. To screw with playing because of some belief that I am not being mindful of other people's plights is to be implying I am not capable of compassion. Where does that come from? It comes from listening to old family rules and holding onto other people's fear statements or garbage about what is entailed in being a grown up. It's about a distorted sense of responsibility and some wierd superstition about consequences. It's about thinking "Oh, I better not have any fun, because I might hurt so-and-so's feelings." or, "I better not enjoy myself, cause people might not think I'm serious about whatever." It's a bunch of bull. The more we do without being in the process of enjoying what we are made of, the more time there will be to worry and stress, which leads to resentment and even physical sickness more than you and I realize.